


Remus Lupin's Story

by Twisted_Magic



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Full Moon, M/M, Marauders' Era, Werewolf
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-25
Updated: 2013-02-25
Packaged: 2017-12-03 15:21:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/699685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twisted_Magic/pseuds/Twisted_Magic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a fanfic about Remus Lupin going to Hogwarts for his first year. He experiences his first full moon at Hogwarts. I also threw in a little Remus/Sirius for the benefit of your feels, but ssh, they're only eleven so there's nothing major!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. To Hogwarts

**Author's Note:**

> Part one of more to come!

Chapter One  
To Hogwarts  
Remus, with his face pressed against the window, watched the country side zooming by. Whipping by so fast. Just like his life. _I can’t believe I’m actually here! I’m actually on the train on my way to Hogwarts!_ Remus had waited his whole life for his Hogwarts letter. Ever since…the Incident, he had worried that his letter might not actually come. It was just a couple months ago he received it. He could remember it oh so well…

***

Remus was sitting in the garden, at the top of his favorite tree. He liked to come up here, just to get away from…everything. He watched a caterpillar inch it’s way across a leaf, it’s feelers waving around in the air. He watched it until it reached the edge of the leaf and continued it’s way upside down. It’s silhouette shone through. Remus sighed and swiped his hands down his face. He had had a terrible nightmare last night:

He was in his Other form, racing through the woods. He had no idea where he was going, just running. It felt good, to feel so strong and fast, running faster than anyone ever could. He bet he could run all the way around the world before the sun came up. _Yes. Why not?_ A wolfish grin spread across his face with the thought of it. He picked up speed until the trees were a blur. For hours it seemed, he just ran. Until he came across a valley, deep in unknown mountains. He stopped short when he saw his way was blocked by a huge heap of rocks; there was no way around them. He would have to go back. But when he turned around, his way was cut off that way too. He turned around in a full circle just to confirm there was no way out. That’s it: he was trapped. As he turned this way and that, shadowy creatures crept out from the piles of rocks, closing in on him, whispering things he couldn’t understand. The shadows ran their fingers down his arms and back, their whispers turning into howls and screams. He couldn’t see anything, surrounded by these things. All he could hear was their screams…  
Remus remembered waking up screaming himself. His mum came running in, asking what was wrong. Remus wouldn’t said anything, just let his mum caress his hair and make soothing sounds. He never told his parents about his nightmares. He didn’t want them to think he was weak, that he was too young to handle with everything. Although it was true.

Remus sighed and looked up at the clouds lazily making their way across the sky. Up here, everything seemed to move slower; the caterpillar, the clouds, his life…  
By now, Remus was sure Hogwarts would never accept him. At night he would hear his parents talking about it. Remus loved hearing stories about the adventures his parents had had at Hogwarts. He wanted so badly to smell smoke from potions gone wrong, to feel the tingle of magic going up your arm when you wave your wand, to hear owls screeching in the Great Hall as they bring mail. But he knew he would never go, because of the Incident.

Then he heard it: the flapping of wings! _Could it be? Yes!_ He laughed with sheer joy when he saw a small tawny owl flying toward his house, a letter firmly clamped in it’s claws. He climbed down the tree so fast that he missed the last couple foot holds and landed on the ground on his back. He jumped up to greet the owl that had landed on the garden bench, that was looking at him with a knowing look in it’s eyes. The rest of the evening was a blur. He remembered jumping around, dancing, rereading his letter over and over again. And he was in shock: Dumbledore had written him a note, saying that he would put a magic tree on the grounds to make his Other time easier. It would be placed there so he could have safe transformations, where he couldn’t hurt anyone. Which was good, because he didn’t want that anything like that to happen ever again…

***

Remus wiggled around in his uniform. It was a bit itchy, but he’ll get used to it in time. He looked around the compartment; it was empty except for his trunk on the shelf above. Which was alright with him, to be alone, because he didn’t know how to start up a conversation with a stranger. But that didn’t last long. He heard a knock on the glass door and it slid open. Standing there was a boy his age, going for his first year, just like him. He had shoulder length black hair, sort of messy, like he hadn’t brushed it in awhile. He had sharp dark eyes that flickered with a mischievous flame. “Hello there, do you mind if I sit here? I was sitting in another car, but the people there were being pretty stupid. I couldn’t find anywhere else to sit.” he said in a proud manner. Remus nodded slightly. _Someone actually wants to sit with me! Well, he couldn’t find anywhere else to sit. But he’s still here. But what do I say? Guess what? Every month I turn into a raging beast that could tear your head off! Can't wait to get to know you._  
Remus was shaken out of his thoughts when the boy held out his hand. “I’m Sirius why the way. Sirius Black. But don’t call me Black, I hate that name!” Remus accepted his hand. “I’m Remus Lupin, nice to meet you.” Sirius nodded and settled into the seat opposite him. He let out a sigh and propped his legs up on his trunk, which was on the floor in between them. Remus shifted nervously, unsure if he should talk first. But Sirius thankfully just seemed happy to sit there quietly. Sirius let out a deep breath and closed his eyes. “Finally, some peace and quiet. Mind if I get some shut eye?” Remus shook his head, then realized he couldn’t see him nodding. “No, of course not, go ahead.”

Some time later, about half an hour before they arrived, Remus could hardly contain his excitement and nerves. He kept twitching, which made him thankful Sirius was sleeping. Just then, Sirius woke up with a grunt, “Are we almost there?” he yawned. “Pretty much, just about half an hour or so left.” He replied. Sirius nodded and sat up a bit straighter, “So, do you come from a family of wizards?” Remus nodded. “You?” Sirius let out a quick bark of laughter that made Remus jump. “You could say that. You’ve never heard of the family of Black? Any way, my mum’s a complete freak about pureblood families and stuff. This one time, I sneaked out of the house and stole some muggle money, my mum screamed for hours about the taint that had entered our house, it was great.” Remus raised his eyebrows. _Wow, I suppose I have something to be thankful for: good parents._ Sirius laughed and told him about a time he broke into a muggle zoo and rode on a hippopotamus, which meant Remus didn’t have to talk much, just laugh at queue points here and there. _So at least I won’t be without friends._

 

***

 

Remus stood nervously while the Sorting Hat sat on the first years’ heads, every now and then yelling out a house name. “Potter, James!” it shouted. Another boy with dark hair that stood up at the front, jumped up and strutted up to the hat like he owned the place, making everyone laugh. He picked up the hat and put it on his head with a pleased look on his face. He sat there for about two minutes, making various faces. Finally, he had a huge smile on his face when the Sorting Hat yelled “GRYFFINDOR!” The Great Hall was filled with cheers and shouts from the Gryffindor table. He pranced down the stairs to the table. Awhile later the Hat called up “Pettigrew, Peter!” He was there for much longer; it must have been almost ten minutes later that the Hat yelled yet again “GRYFFINDOR!” James clapped along with everyone else. Peter’s timid face lit up with joy, as he sat down next to James with a look of awe.

Before Remus knew it, his name was called: “Lupin, Remus!” Remus swallowed and slowly walked up the stairs to the Hat. As he placed it on his head he saw Sirius giving him a thumbs up, before the room went dark with the insides of the Hat. “Very good, very good, I see a strong fire inside you. You’ll be sure to be a very powerful person someday.” _But I’m a…werewolf. No one cares about a werewolf!_ “Oh but you see dear boy, that wolf only makes you stronger! A special strength no one else has…” _Yeah right._ “All right then. I think I know all I need to know from your head. Lets hope I’m right. Better be:” “GRYFFINDOR!” the Hat yelled aloud. Remus couldn’t believe it! He was going to be in Gryffindor! Sirius looked pleased for him, but he looked sort of disappointed too. But he flashed him a wink and the thought passed. He leaped up and sat down on the other side of James. James smiled at him and offered his hand. “James Potter!” He said with a gleam in his eyes. Remus shook his hand in return.

“Black, Sirius!” Sirius raised his hand and jumped up the stairs to the stool. Once the Hat was on his head, everyone giggled and whispered. Remus caught what one of them were saying: “Another Black, come on. Why do they even bother sorting them? Just say Slytherin and be done with it!” Her friend laughed in agreement. But then the Hat yelled out: “GRYFFINDOR!” The Great Hall sat in stunned silence for several seconds, but then everyone burst into wild applause. Sirius leaped up with a look of pure joy, bounding to the table and planting himself proudly beside Remus. “Can you believe? I thought I was done for! I guess all that rebelling back home really paid off!” He laughed in Remus’s face, his forehead pressing against his. Remus backed up a couple inches, but Sirius was too excited to notice anything odd.

 

***

 

Remus opened the door to the first years’ dormitory to find five beds in a circle around the room. James and Sirius pushed into the room first, joking around. They had become friends super fast during supper. Remus rather liked James, although he could act a bit full of himself at times. Peter was alright, though he didn’t talk much, but that was quite alright with Remus, seeing as he didn’t like to talk much either. Sirius jumped into the middle bed, kicking off his boots with satisfaction. James chose the bed to his left, causing Peter to immediately take the one next him. The room echoed with the sounds of everyone dragging their trunks to the base of their beds, talking about the feast. Remus carefully selected his trunk, which was falling apart, pieces of leather hanging off the edges. Remus looked at the two remaining beds. _I suppose I might as well stay next to Sirius, he seems nice enough._ He dragged his trunk to the bed and plopped down onto the mattress, spreading out on the velvet blankets.

Remus lay there staring up at the canopy top of his bed. There were curtains draped along the sides, the same dark red of the blankets. And if he looked to his left, there was a window looking out on the school grounds, the lawns spreading out in all directions. Remus sighed. _It can’t be that bad, being here. I mean, it’s Hogwarts after all! Just a couple months ago I wasn’t even sure if I was going to be here._ Then he realized the room was silent. He looked up at everyone, who were all staring at him. Remus tensed. “What, did I miss something?” He asked. James cleared his throat; “We were just talking about Quidditch. Do you think you want to join the team?” Remus let out a small sigh of relief. “Nah, I don’t think it’s really my thing. You?” James launched into a long discussion of famous wizards from Gryffindor who were on the team, how he wanted to be famous like them some day, to be remembered and have people tell stories of his heroics…

Awhile later the distant sound of a clock rang out ten o’clock, which they took as a sign to go to bed, as it was the first day of school tomorrow. As everyone changed, the room was quite for a couple sweet moments. Only the rustle of pajamas being pulled on was heard. Remus climbed into bed first and waited for everyone to settle in so they could blow out the candles. Once they were all snuggled under the thick blankets, the candles went out all by themselves. Remus could hear Peter gasp in wonder at the magic. For a while he listened to owls flying past the tower on their way for their evening hunts. James and Sirius were whispering something about Butterbear. Remus smiled at these sounds, pleased to be away from home for a change. To be somewhere where none of these people knew what he could be…

***

Soon enough, Remus slipped into another nightmare. This one was worse:

He was lying on his back, deep in a forest. Tree roots were wrapped around his arms and legs, pinning him to the ground. He lashed around, trying to get up. He knew he was going to transform soon, so he didn’t want to be trapped here while he was turning into his Other form. Too late. He could feel pain raking down his back, burning pain deep in his skull, feeling his body morph into something evil. He screamed and lashed around, trying to escape this burning pain as well as the tree roots. He screamed until they turned into howls, echoing through the forest. He gave a sharp yank on the roots and they gave way at last, along with the pain. He howled at the moon in triumph, but when he looked at the moon, he saw his reflection on it’s surface. His own horrific face was glaring back at him. He was a monster, a monster…

Remus woke up with a jolt, letting out a yelp. He leaped out of bed and backed up against the wall. _It was just a dream, it was just a dream…_ He slid down to the floor and hugged his knees. He tried running his hands through his hair like his mum did, but it didn’t feel the same. He took a deep breath to try and calm himself down. He didn’t want to wake anyone up.

“Remus?” Sirius whispered into the dark. _Too late._ Remus ran his hands down his face and stayed quiet. He didn’t know why, but he hoped Sirius would forget about him and go back to sleep. But he heard Sirius pushing back his covers and rounding Remus’s bed. Remus buried his face in his knees. _Maybe he won’t see me. He’ll leave me alone…_ But he heard Sirius walk cautiously up to him, then him sliding down the wall to sit next to him.

They sat in silence for several minutes before Sirius talked: “Are you going to talk at all, or do I have to make you?” Remus still didn’t say anything. Sirius sighed next to him. “Remus, are you alright? I heard you thrashing around in your bed. Is something wrong?” he whispered in his ear, as to not wake the others. Remus shrugged.

“It’s nothing. Just a nightmare.” Sirius shifted closer. “Do you want to talk about it?” Remus tensed automatically and inched away from him. “Really, it’s nothing. You can just go to bed. You’re going to need some sleep for tomorrow.” Sirius nudged him, “Are you going to bed too? Because you need sleep as well. I’m not going to bed if you don’t.” he said with a slight smile in his voice. Remus sighed and pulled himself into bed. He lay on his back so he didn’t have to look at Sirius and closed his eyes. He heard Sirius get up a couple seconds later. He heard him pause, then “Goodnight Remus,” he whispered into the dark before he slipped under the covers.

***

The next day was all a blur. Breakfast, classes, break, lunch, classes, then another short break. For their break they all went outside to the lake. They found a tree at the edge of the water and dropped to the ground. “Ugh, that’s exhausting! Can you believe the History of Magic teacher? Merlin’s Beard, he talked slow…” James complained. Peter nodded in agreement.

“You know what I hate?” Sirius said. “What?” James asked. “That they didn’t have sausages at lunch!” They all burst out laughing at that. But the smile faded quickly off Remus’s face when he remembered: already tomorrow was the full moon. Only on his first day of school, and he already needs to think about tomorrow night.

Dumbledore had talked to him earlier today about the arrangement. He would meet the nurse outside at sunset, head to the tree and go through the tunnel to the Shrieking Shack. Then…he would wait it out in the Shack and in the morning the nurse would pick him up. Remus sighed and ran his hands down his face for what seemed like the hundredth time today. He always felt weak the day before the full moon. His hands were shaking slightly; he tried to hide them in this cloak so they didn’t see. But of course, Sirius saw; “Hey Remus, you okay? You look kind of…” he paused as if to try and think of a word that wouldn’t insult him. But that was the true that Remus probably looked awful. He felt awful. His thighs ached and the back of his neck throbbed. “I’m fine,” He managed, “Just a bit tired.”

Sirius gave him a look that said something like; “I know you’re tired from last night, but this is something more.” Remus pretended he didn’t see that. James nudged him, “Well, everyone feels that way on their first day of boarding school! Look at me for instance: I should be showing my extremely good looks to some girls, but here I am wasting them on you guys.” Peter laughed and Sirius let out his barking laugh. Remus smiled, but again it faded.

“Come on Remus, what’s up?” Remus jumped when he realized Sirius was kneeling next to him. He looked up to see James and Peter looking expectantly back at him. Remus shrugged.

“Ah, it’s no big deal,” he tried to say, but they weren’t buying it. “Come on guys, it’s nothing. I’m just…” he paused as he tried to think of a lie. “I’m just homesick, that’s all. Like I said, no big deal.” Peter smiled and moved closer. “I get homesick all the time too. We all do!” he offered. He looked around at the others. “Oh yeah, sure!” they piped up. James started to tell them about a time he went to sleep over at a friend’s house, but accidentally setting the couch on fire. He joked around saying he hadn’t meant too, the parents were freaking out…

Remus wasn’t really listening, but he was just pleased for a distraction for Sirius. James always seemed to have a story on hand. Sirius sure likes to get into other people’s business, he snorted in his head. Remus hugged his knees up to his chest and propped his chin up. His gaze drifted over the grounds and ended up on the Whomping Willow. His eyes traced the branches that whipped around, grasping at thin air and occasionally passing birds. There was a small group of students around the tree. They were pointing up at it, walking around it, others throwing rocks at it. A girl shrieked when a tree branch came swiping down at her. Everyone leaped back, some even ran back up to the castle. Remus stared at it, wondering how they could get close to the tree without being smashed to pieces. The nurse will probably know a spell to freeze it or something, or there might be a password. Remus let out a shaky breath. There’s no need to worry about now, it’s not until tomorrow…

***

Remus followed them up to the castle, on their way to supper. Peter sighed, “Well that’s one day almost over. Now there’s only tomorrow and the next day, the day after that,” James laughed and pushed Peter through the door.

“Uh, don’t get me thinking on tomorrow just yet. Just imagine how much homework we’ll get!” he groaned as they walked through the door to the Great Hall. Remus flinched at the sound of voices echoing off the high ceiling. His senses were always a bit sharper around the full moon. He squinted in the light as they walked along the Gryffindor table, looking for seats. James selected a spot halfway down the table and thumped onto the bench. Remus followed suite with the others. Again he ran his hands down his face as he waited for Dumbledore to say it was okay to eat. Dumbledore stood up from his seat and greeted everyone.

“Good evening everyone! I hope your first day wasn’t to tiring,” the Hall rang with groans and complaints of too much homework, which Remus was embarrassed to find James yelling with them. Dumbledore let loose a laugh before he called for silence, “Well then, I guess you’ll just have to stay up all night…studying.” He winked at them. Remus looked round to find people smirking at each other. “Yeah right.” He heard a Ravenclaw whisper to his friend at the next table over. “Now, I won’t hold your hungry stomachs back any longer, so let the feast commence!” the Great Hall cheered as food popped up on all the tables and everyone dug in.

***

As the Gryffindors made their way up to the common room, Remus rubbed his temples. He had a head ache from all the loud noises. Several times he bumped into the person in front of him. “What’s up with him?” he heard her whisper when he bumped into her yet again. “Sorry.” Remus said. He slowed down a bit so he would be less likely to do it again. 

“Password?” he heard the Fat Lady asking at the front of the group. Suddenly, Remus’s vision leaped forward five feet and he could hear people talking there like he was standing right behind them. Again, it happened and this time his vision leaped ahead to the front of the crowd where people were starting to pour through the porthole. Then it was over, Remus was back where he was standing like nothing happened.

“Are you alright Remus?” he noticed his friends were looking at him with worried expressions. “What?” he shook his head trying to clear it. This was something that happened sometimes, the day before the full moon. His hearing would increase, which had already started, and now it was his eyesight. He could suddenly see ahead small distances, then it would pass. “Uh, just…just a bit…dizzy.” He carried on to the porthole and climbed up.

***

Remus was the first into bed. Everyone was still getting their trunks out when Remus was in bed. He burrowed deep under his blankets to block out all the reinforced smells and sounds. He sighed inwardly. Finally, a bit of peace. He heard footsteps nearing his bed, then felt a weight dropping down next to him. He groaned; “Remus is tired, can I take a message?” he said sarcastically. He heard the familiar barking laugh of Sirius. Remus rolled his eyes and pushed back the covers. Sirius was looking at him with…worry.

“Remus,” he started. He tried again, “Remus, are you upset with us or something? Did I, uh, we do anything wrong?” Remus immediately shook his head. “No, of course not! I’m just really tired, like I said.” But already Remus could see the disbelief in his eyes. Sirius sighed.

“I know you are, Remus. You should get some sleep then.” His voice was so dejected that Remus wanted more than anything to tell him, but…he couldn’t. He just couldn’t. He didn’t want to see another person he thought of as a friend turn on him; not again. Because that’s how _it_ happened, right?

So Remus just watched Sirius get up and climb under the blankets. He tried to catch his eye, but he rolled over without looking at him. _Am I already loosing my new friends?_ Remus buried his face in his pillow so they couldn’t see the tears springing up in his eyes.

/p>


	2. The Full Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus has a full moon at Hogwarts and his friends are worried about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two!

Chapter Two  
The Full Moon

At lunch the next day, Remus was feeling absolutely horrible. His head throbbed, the back of his neck was still aching, plus his legs were sore from walking to classes. He tried to eat his lunch, he really did, but he felt like if he ate anything it would come back up in a matter of seconds. So he sat there picking at his food while the others stuffed everything in arms reach into their mouths. James nodded at Remus with his mouth full.

“Whag’s uf wiv ‘ew?” he asked, only accomplishing in potatoes all over Remus. He brushed them away in disgust. James swallowed with difficulty and tried again. “What’s up with you? Worried about food poisoning?” Remus shook his head, but didn’t say anything. He didn’t trust himself to keep his breakfast down. Peter edged up to him.

“Are you sick? You look rather pale…” James and Sirius looked him up and down. “Maybe you should go to the Hospital Wing. You do look odd. Are you shaking?” Remus hid his hands under the table, but the damage was done. Sirius slammed his hand down on the table, causing the surrounding Gryffindors to jump.

“That’s it Remus, we’re taking you to the nurse, whether you like it or not!” James and Peter jumped up in agreement. Remus looked at all their determined faces and knew there was no way out of this. Remus ran his hands down his face with hands that were getting shakier by the second and got up. But Sirius had to catch him to steady him before he slipped to the floor. “Come on, you’ll be alright…”

 

*** 

 

Remus was half guided half carried to the Hospital Wing. He kept insisting he could walk fine all by himself, but Sirius ignored his complaints. James threw open the door dramatically and guided Remus through the door to a chair. “I’m fine, I’m fine.” He waved them off. Peter ran off with Sirius to the office at the end of the room. Remus rested his elbows on the knees and propped his head in his hands. _No big deal, no big deal, I’ve had worse, no big deal…_

But it did seem worse. Sure, this happened every time, but his parents were always there to hold his hand and encourage him throughout the day. The throbbing in his head increased, causing Remus to squeeze his eyes shut.

He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder, but relaxed when he saw it was just James. He let out a shaky breath. “It’s probably just the stress catching up with you in your sleep. You know, with school and all.” James whispered kindly. _You have no idea how much stress is catching up with me._ But he was touched to see James was worrying about him. He looked up at him.

“Thanks James. It means a lot to me that you care about me. I’ve only known you guys for about three days, but already you’ve exceeded in what my previous friends haven’t. Thank you.” James smiled. “You’re alright too, you know that?” Remus managed a smile back, when the nurse came walking briskly over. Sirius bounded up behind her as if to speed her up, Peter following closely behind.

“Now what seems to be the problem?” she asked, although she was eyeing him with sympathy. She knows about my Other form, so maybe she can be of some help. His friends- _Merlin’s Beard it was great to be able to say that_ -spoke up and rambled on about how he’s been tired, pale, shaky, a picky eater. The nurse nodded and waited for them to finish.

“Very well, it sounds like it may be a case of…Gnome Fever!” Remus had to actually clamp a hand over his mouth not to laugh. “Gnome Fever?” Sirius confirmed.

"Its a new medical case that Saint Mongos discovered recently. Nothing serious, but he may have to stay here for the rest of the day and possibly the night, just as a precaution!” she babbled. While his friends exchanged dismayed looks, Remus saw the nurse flash him a wink. Peter squeezed his hand briefly, James patted his shoulder and Sirius…hugged him. Remus wanted to pull away, but he rarely got hugs from friends, plus he was so tired, he let Sirius embrace him. “I’ll come visit you after supper, alright?” he whispered into Remus’s hair. He nodded slightly. Sirius let him go and they left the Hospital Wing.

The nurse kneeled down in front of Remus hand took his hands in hers. “Poor dear…” she patted his hands. “I understand what you have to go through. I have a brother who is also a werewolf.” Remus looked up in surprise. “Really?” She nodded, “That’s right. He gets along just fine now. You will too; you just need to give it some time.” Remus relaxed. Its not much, but it’s just what he needed to hear. Remus cleared his throat. 

“You haven’t told me your name.” The nurse smiled at him, “So sweet! You can call me Madame Pomfrey.” She winked. “Now, lets sit you in bed.”

 

*** 

 

A knock sounded through the hall. Remus sat up straight in bed, knowing Sirius would be coming to see him. Madame Pomfrey came trotting down the hall to the double doors. Remus wrapped the blanket around his shoulders; he didn’t want Sirius ( _uh, James and Peter too_ ) to see him like this. Just like the nightmares with his parents, he didn’t want anyone to see him as weak.

“Come on in, dears! I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you!” Remus hugged his arms closer. _Wait, do I really want them to see me? I mean, they can’t stay long, the sun is close to setting. I’m only here so it’s easier to get out at night. I’ll leave in the morning…_  


But it was too late, they were all coming through the door. Sirius grinned at him; it faded for a second when he saw how pale he was, but it came back up again; though now it looked rather half hearted. Peter jumped onto the bed next to Remus, while James and Sirius drew up two chairs next to the bed. Sirius awkwardly held out a bouquet of Fizzing Whizzbees.

“Uh, it’s not quite flowers, but I hope it’ll do. We had to ask some third years to smuggle them in for you.” He blushed as he handed them over. Remus hesitantly reached out for them. “Thanks guys, this is great!” he smiled at them all. He divided the lollipops out between them. Peter gasped in thanks when he received his.

For a few minutes they talked, laughing about their teachers, discussing the horrible choice of Bat Stew for supper instead of spaghetti. But it was all too soon before Madame Pomfrey sent them away. “Shoo, go, he won’t get better if he doesn’t get any rest. He’ll get out tomorrow, off with you!” Suddenly Remus panicked. _I don’t want them to leave! I won’t see them until after…the Other form has…visited. I don’t want to be a monster alone…_  


But they were already being shoved out the door. “Good night!” _If only._ “See you in the morning!” they called out as the door closed behind them. Remus stared at the door as if it could make them come back. He heard Madame Pomfrey crossing over to his bed. “Alright dear, you need to get up now I’m afraid. It’s time, dear.”

 

*** 

 

Remus’s heart raced as they walked quickly through the tunnel to the Shrieking Shack. They were cutting it close; they had left around sunset, but they got held up when Peeves bombed the hallway with water balloons, so they had to go the long way around to avoid getting soaked. Now they were only halfway down the tunnel, but it was already starting to get dark out. _Faster, must walk faster…_

Remus gasped as a spasm ran up his back. Madame Pomfrey noticed and urged him to move faster. Remus could feel his organs preparing to rearrange themselves, his muscles tensing up as they remember the pain they will soon experience. “Here we are, dear, we’re there.” Madame Pomfrey reassured him as they reached the end of the tunnel. They stumbled up the stairs to the next level and into a room at the end of the hall. Remus was starting to tremble again, more furiously. The nurse lead him over to panel in the wall opposite the door.

“Alright dear, underneath this panel is where I’ll keep this bag here,” she waved it in front of him, “it will have a change of clothes, a blanket just in case and your wand will be kept in here too, alright?” Remus nodded impatiently. “Now, this panel is enchanted so only you can make it open, but only your human hand can open it, alright dear?” she took his hand and placed it on the panel to show him and sure enough the wall swung open to reveal a small cupboard. She stuffed the bag into the wall and Remus handed over his wand.

“Now, I promise to come first thing in the morning! I’m sorry I can’t stay with you, but I have sick students to take care of. Alright?” _That hardly seems fair, but it makes sense._ Remus nodded. Madame Pomfrey smiled sadly and gave him a quick hug. “Must be going now; you…play safe.” She said before running quickly from the room, then Remus heard her shuffling down the tunnel back to Hogwarts. 

She left just in time, for just then another spasm ran up Remus’s back like a bolt of lightning. He let loose a scream so loud, that he could feel it vibrating in his throat. As it passed Remus gasped in relief, but it was only replaced by excruciating pain in his legs as he felt them beginning to stretch to twice their length, his ankles bending double. Remus fell onto the ground, clutching his stomach as his insides withered; his screams echoing through the house sounded twice as loud as usual. He thrashed around, his shirt ripping as his shoulders stretched, while his spine again lanced with pain, his vertebrae loosing and then settling into their new positions. For what seemed like eternity he twisted in pain on the floor, then finally it seemed to slow down. _This is it…_ The world dimmed as the final stage of change went by. His pupils turned into catlike slits, then the everything went dark as his control, along with his soul, was handed over to the beast.

 

*** 

 

Remus woke up with his face in the carpet. He lay there breathing in the smell of dust, as well as something like blood. His hand caressed the carpet as if to make sure it wasn’t a dream, then he slowly dragged his hand up to touch his face; Remus sighed in relief when he found a normal human nose, mouth and ears. He lay there for several more minutes before daring to open his eyes. Remus blinked a couple times to bring the world into focus, but wished he hadn’t: what he saw was a carpet shredded to pieces, the walls laced with claw marks, the curtains in a heap on the ground. Remus dragged himself into a sitting position, wincing in pain at his aching muscles. He crawled across the floor to the wall with the panel, then attempted to stand. He tried pushing himself to his feet, then grasping at the wall for a handhold, then pulling a chair over to drag his weak form onto. The chair shuddered and creaked under his weight, but thankfully it held. Remus reached up with a shaking hand to open the panel, then pulled out the bag, which landed on the ground with a thump. 

He ripped open the bag to find jeans and a sweatshirt; with difficulty, he pulled them on, then swung the blanket around his shoulders. Remus let loose a gasp as a small spasm ran up his back. _I hate these._ After the full moon, he would have small attacks like that, like aftershocks from an earthquake, a sort of hangover for werewolves. He grinded his teeth while the pain lingered there, then lazily faded away. Then Remus tilted his head when he heard footsteps; _Madame Pomfrey, finally!_  


Remus slipped off the chair to the floor. _Please, I’m so tired. I just want to go back and sleep in bed for hours and hours…_ His eyelids crept down over his eyes, eager to embrace his vision in their blankets of darkness, to shut out the world. His shook his head to wake himself up. _Come on, stay awake for just a bit longer, then you can go to bed. Unless you’d rather stay here._ Just then Madame Pomfrey entered the room to find Remus on the floor, close to passing out with exhaustion.

“Oh my, you poor dear! Come here, come here…” she raced over and squeezed him tight in her arms. “Thanks for coming,” Remus whispered. The nurse made several comforting sounds while she tried to bring him to his feet. Together they managed to stand up and leave the room. On the stairs, Remus almost fell down, then in the tunnel they tripped over tree roots all along the way. By the time they reached the castle, the sun was almost up. Once they were in the Hospital Wing, Remus flopped down onto the first bed he saw and fell dead asleep.

 

*** 

Sirius

***

 

Sirius sat on the edge of Remus’s hospital bed and stared his limp, pale, sleeping form. He looks absolutely terrible. His eyes looked sunken into his face, which was very white. Remus looked exhausted. _Had he gotten a wink of sleep last night?_ Sirius sighed and reached for Remus’s hand and found it cold. He rubbed his fingers to try and warm them. Sirius looked around to see of James and Peter had come yet. They said they were coming. _Oh well, I don’t mind a minute with Remus._ He searched his face to try and find what was troubling him so much, but couldn’t find it, although there were a lot of marks on his face that weren’t there before. Remus mumbled something in his sleep, so worrying that he’ll wake him, Sirius placed his hand gently back at his side.

*** 

Remus

*** 

 

Remus felt something tickling his nose. He reached up his hand to rub his face before dropping his arm at his side again. He heard snickers, then the tickling on his face continued. Remus growled and swiped at his face again, opening his eyes this time. He yelped and scrambled backwards when he saw three faces grinning down at him. They burst into laughter.

“You should have seen your face!” James said as he made an imitation of Remus. Remus rolled his eyes, shifting into a more comfortable sitting position and ran his hands down his face to wake him up. “How are you feeling?” Sirius asked as he eyed the scratches on Remus’s face. He shrugged and adjusted his sleeve as to hide a mark he had made on his right arm last night.

“Alright, I suppose. Been better, that’s for sure!” he managed a smile to reassure them. “What time is it?” he asked. James leaped up to look out the window at the clock tower. “Uuum, about noon, sleepy head!” Remus twisted around to look out the window himself and to his dismay to find it was true.

“Don’t look so disappointed, we can still go have lunch!” Peter piped up, jumping up on Remus’s bed. “Or we could just bring some stuff up,” Sirius suggested. Remus shook his head, “no, its fine, we can go down to have lunch. I could use a stretch of the legs.” Remus insisted. They all looked at Madame Pomfrey who was preparing the next bed over. She looked around at their hopeful faces and sighed. “Fine, but I want you to check back later so I can see how you’re doing!” Remus grinned and nodded.

“Alright then, off you go!” Sirius cheered and dragged Remus out of bed. “Wait, I haven’t got my uniform on!” he tried to say, but they ignored him and pulled him out the door.

 

***  


In the Great Hall, Remus devoured food on sight; he stuffed himself with so many sandwiches, that he forgot how many flavors he’d tasted today. James exchanged glances with Sirius when they saw how hungry he was, then let out snorts of laughter. “Well, at least you seem be better. Yesterday you wouldn’t even touch your food!” James crowed; Remus glared and stole his cookie. 

Remus followed his friends into the Defense Against The Dark Arts classroom. They shared this class with the Ravenclaws. Remus sat down in the back row; he had wanted to sit in the front row, to see all the better, but James said it was a better spitball vantage point in the back. Remus pulled out his parchment and placed his inkwell at the head of the desk he shared with Sirius. Sirius pulled out very expensive silvery parchment, plus a giant raven feather quill. James dumped his bag out on his desk, shuffled through it until he found some scrap pieces of parchment and a rummaged around until he found his quill and inkwell; Peter stared in awe at Sirius’s quill, which annoyed James that he was getting attention and he wasn’t, so he cleared his throat and pulled out an impressive leather gripped stamp for making impressions in wax. “I bet it makes more of an impression on Peter than it does wax!” Sirius whispered to Remus, which he then had to cover his mouth to stop from laughing. 

“Good afternoon class!” Professor Owlkin announced once everyone had their things out. “Good afternoon Professor Owlkin!” the class called back. Once the Professor was assured everyone was present, he started writing notes on the board. “Today we will be studying…the art…of Enhancement Spells!” he said as he wrote on the board. James raised his eyebrows at Remus. Remus shrugged back. _I’ve never heard mention of these before._ Owlkin twirled around to face the class and clapped his hands for attention.

“Enhancement Spells can be placed on your senses, such as hearing and sight, which then is doubled in power.” Remus sat up straighter, “As example…er, could I please have a volunteer?” Right away James raised his hand. The class turned towards him, watching him strut to the front of the class, with an especially smug look on his face.

“Right! Could you please sit on this stool here so the class can see you?” he guided James over. “Excellent! Now, I’m going to place a hearing Enhancement on your ear. Ready?” James nodded. Owlkin waved his wand over his left ear, mumbling a spell under his breath. Right away James gasped and put his hand to his ear with a huge grin on his face.

“Hey Sirius, whisper something!” he called over. Sirius grinned and covered his mouth. “James’ socks stink!” he whispered into his hand. A look of outrage crossed James’ face, “they do not!” he stuck his tongue out at him. The class laughed, “What did he say?” a Ravenclaw called out. James shifted around; “uh…” Prof. Owlkin nodded him encouragement. Remus laughed and mouthed him “no way out”. James sighed, “He said my socks stick.” He said. The class laughed and looked to Sirius to see if it was true. Sirius raised his hands to say he was guilty.

 _Wow, this is amazing! Though it won’t be much use to me, seeing as I already have super wolf senses._ The Prof. waved his wand to remove the spell from James, who bounded back to his desk. “That was amazing! I could hear a mouse in the ceiling, people in other classes down the halls, people breathing, it was…wow.” James grinned, then soon everyone in the class was jumping up at once to have their turn.

 

*** 

 

Later that day the four of them headed to the Great Hall for supper. Remus dropped into the first seat he could find, letting out a groan. He ran his hands down his face with hands that weren’t trembling as much as they were earlier in the day, but still shaky. Sirius nodded in direction; “You feeling better there, Remus?” he asked. Remus nodded in return.

“Better, thank you. Just needed some time away, you know?” James rolled his eyes. “I could certainly use a break. Three days in and we already have an essay to write for Herbology!” They all groaned in unison. Remus was starving: again. He piled up his plate with mashed potatoes, scooping some pumpkin soup into his bowl and selecting a large piece of garlic bread. He glanced up to find Sirius had piled up twice as much food as Remus had. Sirius winked when he saw how much he had. He looked both ways to make sure no one was looking, then slipped a mushroom tart off James’ plate, which was the last tart, then passed it under the table to Remus. When he reached out for it, his hand touched Sirius’ for a split second. He pulled away, embarrassed. _What’s the big deal, Remus? You’re friends, friends touch hands all the time._ But he shook his head and ate the tart.

 

*** 

 

Remus was heading up to the Owlery with James to send off letters they had written to their families. Remus thumped his letter on his hand while they walked. His letter wasn’t very long, so it could be carried by one of the smaller post owls. In his letter he had written:

_Dear Mum and Dad,_

_It’s really great at Hogwarts. We have so many classes and we already have a ton of homework!  
Also, on the first day I met what I think will turn out to be my best friends. One boy I met on the train, his name is Sirius Black. He says he’s from a pureblood wizard family and that you would know who they were. Then I met James Potter: he’s really funny, though a bit full of himself. Then Peter Pettigrew: he’s really shy and kind of sweet, in his way. We're all in Gryffindor! Just like you!_

_As you know, last night was the full moon. The Tree and the Shack worked out pretty well. But it was worse this time. It’s hard not having you here to be beside me. But I’m sure I’ll get used to it! My friends even took me to the Hospital Wing thinking I was sick with Gnome Fever!_

_I hope you’re both doing well at home. I can’t wait to see you for the holidays! I promise to write to you again soon._

_Love,_   
_Remus Lupin_   


Remus rounded another corner to the corridor that lead to the Owlery. James started to tell him how in the Great Hall he had been sure that a second year girl had checked him out, but Remus was distracted when they entered the corridor. The right wall was empty except for windows placed every couple feet, but on the left wall, the wall was covered with life sized portraits of students. 

Remus looked at the name plate at the bottom of a painting as he passed it: ‘Marley Hobbs 1934-49’. Remus frowned at the portrait of the teenage girl, who was sleeping in an armchair. _These must be memorials of all the students that died before leaving school._ Remus checked the name plates of others on their way down the corridor; ‘Lizzy Berth 1953-67’. _Too young to die. I wonder how she could have died…_

‘Michel Dargon 1954-69’ _I wonder if he ever had a girlfriend…_

Then Remus stopped in his tracks when he saw the next portrait. _Merlin's Beard. It’s HIM._ Remus struggled to breathe as he looked at the boy’s face; he had blue eyes, dusty pale brown hair that was almost blond. The boy frowned at Remus.

“What are you looking at?” the painting asked. But Remus ignored him and looked at his name plate: ‘Andrew Ruthwell 1955-70’. Remus felt terrible guilt tearing at his stomach, almost as bad as the pain of a werewolf transformation. 

Remus realized James was standing next to him. He looked back and forth from the painting to Remus. “Uuuuh, what’s going on here? An old boyfriend of yours?” James teased. Remus shook his head, not even bothering to reply to his joke. He could feel tears building up in his eyes, threatening to spill over. Remus sniffed and turned away so James couldn’t see his reddening eyes.

“Oh, it’s nothing. Not anyone of any great importance. Now, we should be heading to the Owlery, eh?” Remus started down the corridor without an answer. “Oi, Remus, wait up!” James jogged up beside him. Remus rearranged his bangs so his friend couldn’t see the tears he was trying so hard to blink away.

 

*** 

Sirius

*** 

 

Sirius frowned at his almost finished paper on 100 Fungi Uses he had to do for potions. He reread the last line he’d written, over and over again, not even processing what it said; ‘fungi has a pleasant smell…fungi has a pleasant smell…fungi has a pleasant…’ Sirius sighed and put his head in his hands. He couldn’t get the image of Remus lying in that hospital bed, pale and sick, with scratches covering his face. _His face…_  


Sirius shook his head. _Sirius, stop thinking like he’s dying! He’s up in the Owlery with James, they’ll be back soon._ But Sirius’s thoughts returned to how Remus had been so distracted the other day. In bed the other night, he kept looking out the window with a worried expression, like he expected some raging lunatic to coming flying up on a broom and bursting into through the window. _But I know it's more than just some childish fear. How terrified he looked when I, we, left the Hospital Wing last night. Then the next day he was covered in red marks…_

Sirius jumped when Peter cleared his throat. Sirius had a feeling he had been watching him for a while. Peter knelt on the floor and picked up the fungi paper off the table. “Fungi has a pleasant smell. Does it really? I wouldn’t know, because I don’t spend my time smelling rubbery plants,” He shivered. Sirius laughed.

“I don’t ether. I don’t even remember writing that.” Sirius grabbed his wand from his pocket and used an erasing charm on the sentence. He picked up his abandoned quill and scratched his chin while he pondered what else to include in his paper. “I don’t know, do you think this is enough?” he asked Peter. Peter leaned over the paper again and read it through. He shrugged, “I’m not really the best with this, sorry. Maybe Remus can help, he’s done his!” As if on queue, the porthole door opened and Remus and James climbed through. Sirius reached up his hand to wave them over, but stopped when he saw Remus; his eyes were red, as if he had been crying, but he was trying to hide it.

Remus stomped across the room and went straight up the stairs to the dormitory, without even looking at Sirius. Sirius watched him go up until he was out of sight. James dropped into the chair opposite them and sighed. “Ugh, such a long walk. I wish the Owlery was closer; I think I might just ask one of you guys to drop my letter off next time, because I will not be doing that again,” he groaned. Sirius glared at James.

“Did you even notice how upset Remus looked?” James stared at him with a blank expression. Sirius rolled his eyes and got up. He leaped up the stairs to the dormitory, he heard James asking Peter what was up with him. Sirius was at the door, reaching for the doorknob, when he heard something in the room. Sirius quietly opened the door, just a crack, to see Remus lying face first on his bed, his body heaving with sobs.

*** 

Remus

*** 

 

Remus’s chest heaved as he gasped for breath, but didn’t take his face out of the pillow for fresh air. He squeezed his eyes shut, but he could already feel the pillow damp with his tears. _I know I’m being weak, but I just can’t hold anything in, I’m just too tired._ In his head the picture of the boy, Andrew Ruthwell, swam through his thoughts. Once again a wave of guilt and sorrow overcame Remus. _It’s all my fault…_

Remus was suddenly aware of a presence next to him. Then a hand touched his shoulder. _Mum?_ But the hand was much smaller than his mother’s. Fingers twirled his hair around. Remus’s sobs slowed until they were just small gasps here and there. He let out a shuddering breath to calm himself. The hand sat on his shoulder for several more minutes while he let out a few more deep breaths. Once his heart beat was slower, he slid his head around to face the person next to him. Through blurry eyes he saw someone with dark hair curtaining their face. He blinked to clear away the stray tears and found himself looking at Sirius. 

Sirius smiled gently at him and slid his hand onto his lap, like he was suddenly embarrassed. But he looked Remus in the eyes; Remus stared back into his. “Thanks.” Remus whispered. Sirius nodded, “Of course.” His hand moved toward Remus, but he seemed to change his mind at the last second and pulled back uncomfortably. Remus felt sad to see him pull back. Remus pulled himself up to sit facing Sirius, while tugging his right sleeve to make sure the new scar was hidden. Sirius frowned slightly as if troubled by the movement, but didn’t say anything. Remus shifted nervously.

“You should finish your paper. It’s due tomorrow,” he said awkwardly to break the silence. Sirius nodded with start and got up from Remus’s bed. “Yeah, um, think you could help me with it? I don’t really know what else to write…” Remus nodded and got up as well. They both walked down to the common room, avoiding each other’s eyes.

 

*** 

 

That night in bed, Remus had another nightmare:

He was in the same forest again, in the same clearing. He screamed while the werewolf took over his body. He howled up at the moon once his Other form was in control. He ran at the trees, planning on hunting all night long, but the trees reached out their wickedly crooked branches to block his path. The wolf snarled and raced across the clearing, but only to find his way blocked on all directions. He clawed at the trees that were tangling themselves into the trees next to them, creating a wall of intertwining branches, a living prison. He tried to claw and bite his way through, but he stopped in horror when the trees’ surfaces withered and boiled until they transformed into the faces of the dead student portraits. They screamed at him, calling him a beast, a horrid beast that didn’t deserve to live, while they had died. A massive oak took on the face of Andrew Ruthwell, who yowled and screamed at him until his head rang with his voice…

Remus woke up to find himself thrashing around in his blankets, which were rapped around him like a twisted cocoon. Remus realized he was screaming, so he tried to quiet down, knowing he would wake up the others. But they were all there, trying to pin him down so he didn’t strangle himself in his blankets. James caught hold of Remus’s mouth and clamped it shut, making his screams muffled.

“Shush, you’ll wake up the whole Gryffindor tower!” Remus quieted his screams to small whimpers. When James was satisfied he wasn’t going to make any more sounds, he let go and motioned for Sirius and Peter to let go of his limbs. Remus reached up to his face and covered his eyes, trying to block out the images of those dead students, especially Andrew.

He lay there trembling with his hands over his face for a long time, until the images finally faded to wisps in his mind. He felt his friends sitting on his bed next to him and heard them breathing heavily. Finally, when Sirius seemed he couldn’t take it any more, he gently grabbed Remus’s shoulders and pulled him to sit upright. Remus’s hands fell down to his sides as he sat up, looking into the faces of his friends. While Peter just looked horrified, James and Sirius were studying his face. Remus stared down at his hands, embarrassed at how he had handled his nightmare. He was surprised when Sirius and James moved to ether side of him and hugged him. _What?_

“I’ve sure come off in the wrong way to you guys. Getting…getting sick, screaming over nightmares, crying over student portraits…”

“Wait, student portraits?” Sirius cut in. “Is that what this is about?” Sirius glanced over at James, who had a puzzled look on his face like he was just remembering that’s when Remus was first upset. Remus nodded so slightly, he wasn’t even sure they saw. Sirius shuffled closer (if it’s even possible to move any closer), put his head on Remus’s shoulder and whispered in his ear. “Is this really just about some old paintings?”

“Dead students, actually.” Remus whispered into the dark. The word ‘dead’ seemed to hang in the air more a moment. “Why, did you know one of them?” James asked. Remus shrugged, causing Sirius to shift his position. “Not well,” Remus whispered, squeezing his eyes shut. “Actually, I didn’t know him until he died.”


End file.
